My Version of Lord of the Rings
by FUZZZZZZZZZZZZZY
Summary: Well it's my version of Lord of the Rings! What more is there to say?
1. The Shire

_This was originally written as a play because we had to write a play. I got bored and wrote this one instead. I hope you like it and sorry for the lack of description. :P Oh and I know I have spelling errors. I will change them as soon as I have some spare time._

A group of hobbits are gathered in a large field and Gandalf is standing in front of them.

"I'm sure many of you have heard about our current troubles." he said

"Yeah talk about troubles! I mean the river running through the Shire is so full of fish now that you can't even take a proper bath!" inturrupted Sam

"Not those troubles you dimwit! Now as I was saying…" continued Gandalf giving Sam the evil eye.

"Sir you were about to tell us about our troubles sir," pipped up Pippin (_get it?)_ trying to be helpful

"Is anyone else going to interrupt me?" glared Gandalf at the assembled hobbits.

"Nope. Continue on Gandalf!" said Merry cheerfily. (_ok ok i'll stop with the bad puns :P)_

"Not another word or else I'll hit you all with this staff!growls Gandalf turning a bright shade of red. "Why do you think I carry it around?" he asked proudly.

"To hit people with sir?" asked Pippin. A mysterious munching sound was heard in the area.

"You got that right. Now as I was saying. I'm sure you've all heard of our current troubles." said a smug Gandalf pausing to glare at Sam daring him to inturupt. "The dark lord Suron is rising again. He is sending out evil men all across the country in search of one thing," said Gandalf trying to paus dramatically. Trying to help, Pippin once again cut in.

"In search of food sir?" The munching continued.

"Of course he isn't looking for food. He's an evil lord! I'm sure he's got plenty of food. All you can ever think about is food Pippin." chided Merry.

"I can to think of other things!" The munching sounds grew louder. "Like these peanuts I'm eating!"

"Oh yeah!"

"Yeah! I can…"

Gandalf, finally unable to conain himself much longer, cuts in on Merry and Pippin's argument. "Oh for goodness sakes!"

Merry sniffed sticking his nose into the air. "Well I say! How rude!"

"Are you going to hit him with your staff now?" asked Sam hoping the answer would be yes.

Gandalf sighs once again dramatically. Gandalf loved to do everything dramatic. If he didn't, how could he get so much fame? "Sauron is in search of a ring. Yes a ring," he pauses to glare and Sam, Merry, and Pippinbut this ring isn't an ordinary ring. It has dark powers and Suron would do anything to get it back. Beware. You may die. Anyways, the reason you are all gathered here today is so I can choose which one of you is going to destroy this ring. Now who wants to go? I'm looking for volunteers only."

"I want to go sir!" said Pippin quickly raising his hand.

"And your name is?" asked Gandalf.

"Merry Brandybuck" shouted a triumphant Pippin.

"Hey don't volunteer me! You can't do that! Tell him he can't do that Gandalf!" shouted an angry Merry.

"Very good. Merry your coming with me. Anyone else?" continued Gandalf ignoring Merry's protest.

"Yes. My name is Pippin Took.Now it was Pippin's turn to glare at Merry.

"Good good," said Gandalf ignoring the exchanges.

"I want to go too," said Sam.

"And your name is?"

"Sam Gamgee."

"Anyone else? No? Very well. You sir, what's your name?" asked Gandalf pointing at a new hobbit.

"Me? B-but I don't want to go! It sounds awfully dangerous and I might get hurt!" said the hobbit.

"Wuss!" whispered Merry which he followed with a rather vicouse bought of coughing.Pippin, having missed the entire point of the joke, began patting Merry on the back looking down at him concerned when the coughing just grew more violent.

"Plus you said you'd only take volunteers," said a stubborn hobbit.

"Err…" was all Gandalf could manage.

"So I don't have to go?" asked the hobbit eagerly.

"Of course you're going! Come with me Frodo."

Frodo looke annoyed, then confused. "Wait. How do you know my name? I didn't tell you."

"Err… Yes you did. Now let's get a move on shall we?" said Gandalf quickly before Frodo could ask anymore uncomfortable questions.

"Wait, wait where's the ring?" asked a very observant Frodo.

Gandalf sighed. Did he have to think of everything? That what hobbits were for! To do everything for powerful wizards like Gandalf! "Oops I nearly forgot. Hmm… Ah yes! My wedding ring will do! It matches the description rather well though I'm not sure Suron would want it… Here you go Frodo," said Gandalf finally after fishing around for an idea. He hands the ring to Frodo. "Now let's march! Line up! Left, left, left right left…"

The hobbits march off with Gandalf following behind.

_Well what do you think? It's my first story on fanfiction! Oh and don't forget! REVIEWS MAKE ME A VERY HAPPY BUNNY! (or monkey whichever works :P)_


	2. A Hat and a Tree

The hobbits continue down the road still in march formation but Gandalf has stopped shouting out left, left, left right left. They are walking through a forest on a well paved road. 

"Where are we going?" asked Frodo.

"To Rivendell," answered Gandalf shortly.

"But this isn't the way to Rivendell! I studied maps of the Shire and I saw a road leading west heading straight for Rivendell. I estimated that it would only take an hour or two to walk there and it's been several hours. Plus, we're not going west. As you can see by the sun which sets in the west, we are traveling north. We are traveling approximately 91.24 degrees from the proper path going west to be exact," said Frodo loftily.

"Well… we're taking the long way," said a rather annoyed and nervous Gandalf.

"The long way? What's wrong with the short way?" asked Frodo.

"I'm sure Gandalf has very good, educated reasons why we are going the long way," said Pippin faithfully defending Gandalf. Actually, Pippin was just hoping Gandalf wouldn't blast him or even worse... TURN HIM INTO A GIRL! from what happened last time...

"I do? I mean yes, yes I do and I can't tell you hobbits because I am so much wiser and all knowingstuttered Gandalf.

"That tree looks familiar. See? It's all twisted in the shape that reminds me of Gandalf's hat. I think we've passed it before. Actually I'm sure we've passed it before. We're going in circles!" exclaimed Sam.

"That ugly tree does not look like my beautiful hat!" said a very disgruntled Gandalf.

"You're right Sam. It does look like Gandalf's hat," exclaimed Pippin staring at the tree.

"Well… I… It…" spluttered Gandalf indignantly. "My...Tree...Ughh!"

Sorry for the short chapter guys. Heehee I know this isn't very descreptive. I'll finish this story and then I'm sure you will enjoy my very long and descriptive chapters! heehee


	3. The Man in the Tree

Author's note:

Sorry I haven't updated in sooooo long! I really have to update sooner. Especially for this story since it is already written in play form. I promise to update this story a lot faster! The other one... well that one takes a while to do.

Later in the day, the hobbits are still walking down the road followed by Gandalf. Sam, eager to for the journey and slightly bored, begins to sing. Now his singing, my friends, can be described as, well as not the best let's just say.

_(a.n. to the tune of We're off to see the Wizard)_

"We're off to see the elves!

The wonderful wonderful elves!

Doo doo doo doo doo doo!

We're off to see…"

"Would you stop that!" cut in an irritated Merry.

"But why?" asked a very confused Sam.

"Because we don't care about elves," growled Merry.

Sam gasped, horrified. "How can you not care about elves! The short little people with pointy ears and funny hats that charm everyone's lives? How could you not like them? How? I bet you ten bucks that you aren't going to get anything for Christmas this year. Santa's elves will be insulted and not make you anything, or even worse," here his eyes grew large, "they will give you COAL for Christmas!"

"Santa doesn't exist! Grow p Sam!" answered Merry rolling his eyes and praying for patience.

"Of course he exists! How could he not? Him and his short elves bring me presents every year!" responded a desperate Sam.

"Short elves? I think you're thinking about dwarves there, not elves. Dwarves are the short ones," said Pippin who had heard just the part of the short elves.

"Dwarves? How could you possibly get those two confused? Everyone knows that the dwarven kind are the sworn enemies of the elves ever since the time in 1047 when…" cut in Frodo. "What?" he asked shifting uncomfortably as the entire Fellowship turned to stare at him.

"Nerd," said Sam in a stage whisper. He started mysteriously coughing.

"Are you alright Sam," asked Frodo not getting the coughing. Sam just coughed harder. Suddenly, the lights disappeared.

"Hey! Where did the lights go?" exclaimed Merry who was beginning to panic. He hated the dark. Ever since that time someone sneaked up on him and kidnapped him, he had always hated it. The memory still made him shudder. Now he thought about it, that kidnapper smelled kind of like Gandalf. No, it couldn't be! No!

"I think it's that tree. See look. It's sunny over there," said Pippin.

"Hush you idiots! One of Suron's minions is coming! That is one of the signs!" Everyone froze and sure enough, the sound of a horse soon echoed down the road. "Quick, quick everyone! Get down!" shouted Gandalf. He immediately squatted at the side of the road.

"I'm sure he'll see us," protested Frodo. "Who wouldn't? We're in plain view here! Don't you think we should get back in the trees? Hello? Is anyone listening to me? HELLO!"

A collective shhh came from the group.

"Fine!" The hoof beats came closer and closer. A Nazgul astride a black steed came into view. The Nazgul appeared to be consulting a piece of paper.

"No, no that can't be them. It says here that Gandalf is dangerous mastermind." In the background, Gandalf swells up like a bullfrog. "No mastermind would be hiding at the side of the road in plain sight," continued the Nazgul. Gandalf immediately deflates in the background. "Oh well. I'll have to look somewhere else now," sighed the Nazgul who quickly rode off.

"Well that was a close one!" exclaimed Sam jumping back onto his feet.

"You betcha!" exclaimed Pippin. Suddenly, a rustling sound was heard in the trees above. The hobbits and Gandalf all looked up. The rustling grew louder and the tree began to shake. Suddenly, a man jumped out.

"I'll save you!" he exclaimed while in the air. A crash was heard in the forest and then a moan. The man had landed on top of Frodo. "Oops sorry about that Frodo. I didn't see you there."

"How does everyone know my name?" said a winded Frodo attempting to wail.

"Err," said the man nervously. "Anyways, are you ok? The Nazgul didn't harm you? No injuries?" he blurted quickly changing the subject. Everyone shook their head. _"_ Are you sure? Maybe I should call the nearest hospital to make sure," continued the man in a fussy voice.

"Who are you?" cut in Sam rudely.

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn," said the man. "Now are you sure you're all fine? What if one of you accidently broke a bone? Oh no! That would just be terrible!"

"Aragorn, we're fine!" shouted Gandalf.

"If you say so," said Aragorn reluctantly breaking off his rambings.

Author's Note:

So how was it? Good, bad, too short? If it's too short, I might make two scenes in one chapter. Don't forget to review!


	4. Chimps

_Author's Note: I decided to update a lot faster because well, I haven't updated in like months and plus, this story just needs to be changed from play format. Thanks to all my reviewers and umm… I got nothing… maybe I'll think of something to say later but for now, on to the story!_

Aragorn marched ahead of a long column of hobbits with Gandalf trailing at the very end. Right in front of Gandalf is Frodo. Frodo, being very out of shape, was trying to lag but was being repeatedly poked in the back by a very grouchy Gandalf, who after hearing that he was not a dangerous mastermind, was in a very bad mood.

"Master Aragorn, sir, will you teach me how to fight! I want to look all tall and muscular just like you!" said Pippin suddenly.

"Uhh… Sure, Pippin. Maybe later though…" replied Aragorn.

"Yes, sir, Aragorn sir!" exclaimed a very excited young hobbit.

"Stop calling me sir Merry. We aren't in the army here."

"Yes, s-Master!" said Pippin in what he thought was a stroke of genius.

"Don't call me Master either. I don't own you."

"Yes of course M-esteemed ranger!"

Aragorn sighed. "Don't call me esteem… Oh just forget it!" he cried exasperated.

Merry nudged Pippin sharply. "Pippin I think you're scaring the nice ranger," he whispered.

"I'm not scaring anyone!" shouted Pippin offended.

"Scaring who Pippin?" asked Sam.

"I'm not scaring the nice ranger!" repeated Pippin.

"The nice ranger? Do I even want to know?" asked a creeped out Sam.

"No," replied Merry shortly.

"Umm… you guys are really starting to scare me…" said Aragorn.

"Who are you again?" asked a very forgetful Pippin. Aragorn edged away from the hobbits.

A few feet behind the scrabbling, Frodo was complaining to Gandalf.

"Gandalf would you stop poking me with your staff already! My back is starting to hurt!"

"Move it maggot! Left, left, left right left!" replied Gandalf not listening at all. He shoved Frodo harder with his staff.

"Yes sir!" cried a very frightened Frodo.

Back in the front of the group, Sam asked a very insulting question, or at least insulting to some members of the party.

"What's that pointy thing at the top of that hill?" asked an innocent Sam.

"How can you possibly not know that?" exclaimed a Frodo suddenly gone beserk. "It's only the most famous place to study weather patterns in the face of this entire universe! Geez!" Sam just looked confused.

"So what's it's name?"

"It's name is Weathertop," said Frodo huffily.

"Why is it called Weathertop?" asked Pippin.

"How am I supposed to know!" said an irritated Gandalf. "Geez, stupid hobbits and their stupid questions," he muttered.

"It is called Weathertop because of the weather at the top of it of course! I just told you that! Scientists use to go to the top of the hill to study the weather patterns. I've always wanted to visit this world famous landmark! We have to go there to camp tonight! Wow! To think, Eaniepina del Griena the famous scientist," exclaimed Frodo getting very excited. Suddenly, he bent down and starting kissing the dirt.

"Give me that stick Gandalf!" growled a disgusted Merry.

"It's not a stick! It's a b-e-a-u-t-…" said Gandalf hugging the stick and kissing it.

"Don't spell in front of me damn it! I hate when that happens!" cut in Pippin.

"Whatever! Freaks!" exclaimed Merry grabbing the staff from Gandalf.

Gandalf panicked. "Hey! Don't do anything rash with that like hit Frodo with it really, really hard so that it snaps!"

A loud crack resounded through the woods. A slightly guilty looking Merry stands over a cringing Frodo with a broken staff in his hands. "Oops."

"No! Now no one will believe I'm a real boy!" sobbed Gandalf. He began running into the woods. A few paces in, he ran into a tree and passed out. No one seemed to notice.

"Don't hit me again! Please don't hit me!" begged Frodo who was rolling around in the dirt cringing."

A concerned Aragorn quickly rushes to the scene. "Are you ok Frodo my dear, dear boy? Is anything broken? Oh dear. Perhaps we should just forget about this ring and send you to the nearest hospital instead…"

An irritated Merry shoved Aragorn to the side. "Get up Frodo. We're going to Weathertops," ordered Merry.

"Wow Weathertops! I've always wanted to go there! To think, Eaniepina del Griena the famous scientist might actually have walked on this very earth!" exclaimed Frodo. He bent down and started kissing the dirt again.

Merry smacked himself on the forehead. "Oh no not again. Now where did that stick go?" He started searching for the broken pieces. "Oh there it is. Remember this Frodo?" he leered.

"Please don't hurt me! I-I-I'll do anything you ask!" cringed Frodo upon the reappearance of the scary staff.

"Anything?" asked Merry.

"Yes anything!"

"Anything?"

"Yes anything!"

"Anything?"

"Yes…anything…"

"Even," he paused and noticed all the people staring at him. "uhm… umm.. Never mind," he said shiftily, then blushed.

"Wait, Gandalf said that nobody would believe he was a real boy… A real boy… so if he isn't a real boy, what is he?" asked a puzzled Sam.

"Do you really want to know the answer to that question?" replied Merry.

"Well I did hear that he was really a girl, but I thought that was just a rumor…" said a thoughtful Sam.

"Well now you know don't you," said Merry beginning to walk away.

"What about Master Gandalf?" asked Pippin looking at the crumpled form of the wizard a few yards away.

"Who cares about him?" asked Sam.

"Well I do!" exclaimed Pippin.

"Well you hardly count. After all, you are kinda a nobody." Replied Sam.

"Hey! Wait, what?" asked Pippin confused.

"I'm working with chimps here, people! Chimps!" shouted Sam to the world.

_So how was it? Good, bad, horrible? Too short, etc? Review review review! Reviews make me a very happy bunny (or monkey whichever works)! _


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